Life When You’re Twenty-Something:
Welcome to my new series “Life When You’re Twenty Something”, where each post will look into a different issue or dilemma that, as young women, we’re all bound to come across.
The series will be a chance to write some chattier pieces as well as hopefully reassure you readers, even if it’s only one person, that you’re not the only one.
I am freshly in my twenties, so any advice is certainly not from years of experience, it’s usually from my own trial and error or just general bits and pieces that work for me and my life. No one is the same, what works for me may not work for you.
Self-awareness is never a bad thing, and I most definitely do know that my blog is only small, with my main readers being my mum (hi mum) and myself. But, if one day in the future this does take off, there might also be chances to send in any dilemmas or topics that you want some input on.
I just thought it would be a good one for the girls, a shared space where we can navigate (and mess up) our twenties together.
DISCLAIMER: There will not always be solutions, sometimes just knowing someone feels the same is enough reassurance. I have not figured everything out, nor will I ever.
I’m starting with a big topic today … Comparison. I really feel this is a huge block in my path, especially at the moment and I’m sure many of you can relate.
Though comparison comes in all shapes and sizes, the biggest challenge for me is when it comes to appearnace.
It’s no shock that social media makes up probably 80% of our days (this is not a proper stat, though it feels it could be). I wake up in the morning, grab my phone and see a beautiful, clear skin, perfect hair, long lashes young girl filming a ‘GRWM’. So she looks like that… but she hasn’t yet begun to get ready?
I’ve washed my face, brushed my teeth, and done both my hair and makeup. I still don’t look like her. But it's ok, I don’t need to look like her to look pretty. But she’s pretty. So how can I be pretty without looking like her? And the cycle goes on…
Another example: it’s a girl's night out. You’ve spent hours getting ready, your outfit’s perfect, your make-up’s glowing, hair’s sleek. You know you look good. Until you meet up with your friends who are dressed completely different to you, their hair is flowing not slick back and they’ve gone for a matt make-up look. All of a sudden you don’t look the part. It again comes back to comparison and thinking “She looks pretty, and I don’t look like her. So what does that make me?”.
I’m an avid listener of The Girls Bathroom, and on several episodes, they mention their favourite quote, which has since become my favourite too…
“A sunset and a flamingo are both beautiful, but you would never compare them. They look nothing alike, but this does not mean one is ugly.”
I try to remind myself of this throughout the week because you can be beautiful without looking like someone else. Your idea of beauty cannot be a certain person/people, though this is definitely a hard assumption to avoid.
Also keep in mind how easily filters are hidden on social media. From the option to blur the skin to the “Bold Glamour Effect”, it’s impossible to trust what someone really looks like.
Situations:
Though I could write thousands more words about the comparison of appearances, another factor I wanted to touch on is ‘situations’, and OMG the variety of life around you in your twenties?! Crazy.
Girls I went to school with are engaged, mothers, homeowners, business owners, students, travelling, and partying. And here I am, writing a silly little blog, texting my mum asking what’s for tea, and trying to make my student loan last as long as possible.
Ok I’m playing it down, I do a lot with my weeks, and I am trying to build a life and career I love (always give yourself credit). But that image is put out by everyone on social media. It’s important to highlight the not-so-productive elements of life too.
My answer to a lot of things in life, good and bad, is simply: “If it’s meant to be it will be”. I truly do believe that if something is not meant to happen, it won’t. Though pushing yourself and taking every opportunity forms building blocks for your future, what’s wrong for you will not be on your path.
Another answer I like: “What works for them, will not always work for you”. We all have completely different paths.
I want to be a fashion journalist, which includes travelling, (sometimes) a degree and freedom. A child and my own house right now would be a crazy thing for me to do, financially and commitment-wise. But for many people, it’s exactly what they need/ want. Though trust me, even if it’s exactly what I wanted, I could not afford to do it! And that’s OK!
We all have different goals, we’re all in different situations and we are all doing this for the first time. Mistakes will be made, that’s how we learn.
At the end of the day, you are beautiful and successful because you are you. People look up to you just like you look up to others. If we all looked and lived the same, you would not be you.
What should you take from this?
“A sunset and a flamingo are both beautiful, but you would never compare them. They look nothing alike, but this does not mean one is ugly.”
“What works for them, will not always work for you”
“If it’s meant to be it will be”
Oh… and if Beyonce doesn’t know who they are? Who cares what they think.